انسان نوین

شنبه ۳۰/شهریور/۱۳۸۷ - ۲۰/سپتامبر/۲۰۰۸

جرج کارلین یکی از معروف‌ترین کمدین‌های امریکایی است. وی سه ماه پیش در خرداد ۱۳۸۷ / جون ۲۰۰۸ در سن ۷۱ سالگی درگذشت. وی از نظر سیاسی جزو منتقدان سیاست‌های جنگ‌افروزانه‌ی امریکا بود.

این قطعه از نظر زبانی بسیار است:

در زیر متن آن را پیاده کردم. برخی واژه‌ها روشن نبودند.

I'm a modern man, I'm a modern man, I'm a modern man, I'm a modern man, I'm a modern man, I'm a modern man, a man for the millennium, digital, and smoke-free, diversified, multi-cultural, post-modern, deconstructionist, politically anatomically and ecologically correct.

I have been uplinked and downloaded. I have an input and out-sourced. I know the upside of down-sizing and down side of upgrading my whole life. A cutting-edge, state-of-the-art, bicoastal, multi-tasking I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond.

I'm new-wave but I'm old school. My inner child is outward bound. I'm a hot-wired heat-sinking warm-hearted cool customer, voice-activated and bio-degradable.
I interface to my database, my database is in cyberspace so I'm interactive, I'm hyper-active, and from time to time I'm radio-active.

Eye on the ball, ahead of the curve, riding the wave, dodging the bullet, pushing the envelope, I'm on point, on task, on message, off-drugs,

I have no need for coke in speed, I have no urge to binge in the purge. I'm in the moment, on the edge, over the top, but under the radar, a high concept, low profile, medium range ballistic missionary.

A street-wise, smart bomb, top gun, bottom feeder,???? I take power naps and I run victory laps. I'm a totally ongoing big foot slam-dunk, rainmaker, with a proactive outreach, a raging workaholic, a working rage-aholic, out of rehab and in denial. I got a personal trainer, a personal shopper, a personal assistant, and a personal agenda.

You can't shut me up, you can't dumb me down, cos I'm tireless and I'm wireless, I'm an alpha male, a beta blocker. I'm a non-believer and over-achiever, laid-back but fashion-forward, up-front, down-home, low rate, high maintenance, super-sized, long lasting, high-definition, fast-acting, out and ready and built to last.

I'm a hands-on, foot-loose, knee-jerk, head-case, prematurely post-traumatic and I have a love child who sends me hate mail. But I'm feeling, I'm caring, I'm healing, I'm sharing, a supportive bonding nurturing primary care-giver.

My output is down, but my income in up. I take short position, I'm a long bond, my revenue-stream has its own cash-flow. I get junk mail, I eat junk food, junk bus..., to watch trash sport. I'm gender-specific, I'm intensive user-friendly and lactose-intolerant.

I love rough sex, I love rough sex, tough love, I use f-word in my e-mail. I have software on my hard drive is hard core but no soft porn. I bought a microwave in a mini-mall and bought a mini-van in a mega-store. I eat fast food is a slow lane. I'm toll-free, wise... and come in all sizes.

A fully-equipped, factory-authorized, hospital-tested, clinically proven and scientifically-formulated medical miracle.

I've been pre-washed, pre-cooked, pre-heated, pre-screened, pre-approved, pre-packaged, post-dated, freeze-dried, doubled ... packed and I have an unlimited broadband capacity.

I'm a rude dude, but I'm the real deal, lean and mean, blocked and ready to rock, rough and tough and hard to bluff. I take it slow, I go with the flow, I ride with the tide, I take ?? in my stride, driving and moving and grooving, jiving and diving ???? snooze, so I don't lose . I keep metal to the pedal, rubber on the road, party hardy, and lunch time is crunch time. I'm hanging in, there ain't no doubt and I'm hanging tough. Over and out!